Sunday, December 3

Dark Angels

I don't know where I am. I don't know why I am here. All I know is that I'm shit scared. All I hope is that someone will come someday and release me... and take me to that lovely heaven where I used to feast 24 by 7. I hate this cage in which they have jailed me... us... to be precise. I used to think that other inmates stink. But no longer. I guess I stink more. I have got used to it. I can't figure out which is worse - the sweat or the shit that has accumulated in this stinky hell. We breathe the dingy air that comes from the shit. Shit has become part of our biological system - constantly recycling itself.

Everything was fine till a few weeks back. I had a family. We had a beautiful dormitory, where we used to eat... and play. I remember vividly: one of our favorite games was to see who can devour most of the food in a day. We competed with each other to add more flab. I was proud of my body and its complexion. Many were jealous of me.

Look at me now... dressed in filth - not even a shadow of my past. And all this happened when those dreaded dark angels came and dragged us into these cages - one after the other. None was spared. This was done in the wee hours of the day, when we were half asleep. We didn’t know what was going on. There was huge pandemonium. I heard screams. And my scream joined others'. But that couldn't stop the brutality of the dark angels. They dragged us one by one into these jails - torturing machines. Once in, you can't move your feet... even a wee bit. You can't stand. You have to squat... and so you remain for the next few days.

There was no sufficient water, nor food. Supplies used to come once in two days. They would throw the food through the bars of the jail. Through the bars, precious water was pumped in. I don't know why they treated us like this.

This ordeal ended on the fifth day, when they took some of us, in the cages, to a strange place. The treatment here was no better. The only consolation was that once in while the warden would come and take one of the inmates to a silent enclosure. That gave us sufficient room to stretch our legs and arms. We never knew what happened to those who were taken away. We would hear their screams before silence enveloped the enclosure once again. Rumors were that they were being taken back to the old dormitory - our heaven. That rumor lit hope in all of us for the first few days. Everybody wanted to get into the 'enclosure'. As soon as the cage door would open, all would compete to get the attention of the warden. This didn't last for long. The reason was another rumor: that those who were taken away were murdered! This rumor gained more strength when one of the inmates observed that no trucks came to take those fellas back to their heaven. This theory was corroborated by the blood stains seen in the hands of the warden. We started calling the warden "The butcher".

Things started getting worse. The inmates fell sick. Each would fight for the little food that was distributed. The fight resulted in injuries. A few ventured into cannibalism. They would feast on the blood and wounds of others. It scared me.

That is when I decided that I got to escape from this jail. I had observed that at times the butcher left the cage door open. He was pretty sure that none of us had the energy to crawl out. He fed us little and left us to exhaust our little energy by quarrelling with others. And he was dead right. But he made one mistake: He under estimated my will power. I waited for an opportunity.

I ate whatever that came across and conserved my energy. I hid my wounds from the cannibals. And one day... there it was... the butcher came to our cage and picked one of my friends. He left the door wide open. I was sitting next to the door. With all my energy I leaped. I had thought it would be an easy jump. But it wasn't. The butcher’s arrogance to leave the cage open was not misplaced at all. I couldn’t hop out. I tried once again... with all my strength... and I was out...! Lying on the ground, breathing fresh air! I tried to stand on my legs. But I failed. By keeping us in the cage those dark angels had not only weakened our souls but also our muscles. I couldn’t walk! I cried for a while... silently. With tears and fear in my eyes and mind, I started crawling. I crawled and managed to reach one corner of that enigmatic 'enclosure'. Through a small hole I peeked in. What I saw was horribly shocking! My friend’s torso was lying in a pit! There were people in the enclosure. They were waiting for something. The butcher picked up my friend’s dead body; skinned him and gave it to one of the persons who were waiting there. I fainted!

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That happened a few hours back. I'm back in the cage. I don’t know who put me back in this hell. Now I know what awaits me. I don’t want to tell other fowls what I saw. It will scare them. Why take away the joy, if any, and replace it with fear in their last dying days. I'll keep this to myself. The hen next to me started pecking on my wound. Let her... It doesn’t matter anymore…

Friday, December 1

fdisk /mbr

This is the sad story of a poor soul who worked in a big MNC that reeked (and still reeks) in bureaucracy. This is not for the weak heart. If you suspect to have one, please don't pass beyond this point ==> .

Once upon a time, in the country called India, lived a good-techie-guy called Mr. Tec. This stallion used to love computers. The wonders that computers can do fascinated him. He wanted to be the creator of those wonders. He wanted to inspire and instruct the machines to create wonders. And he was successful... to a certain extend. He wanted to make a dream career out of it. So he studied hard... not the subjects prescribed by the University; but computers prescribed by the demand of the latest technology need.

It was during that time, that the company run by Vogons stepped into his life. They brain washed him with their achievements – “historic”, they say – and wooed him to join their company. The simpleton bastard didn't know who the Vogons were. So... thanks to his ignorance, he joined the Vogon Company. [Silence for two minutes please… You are about to hear the cracking sound of Mr. Tec's heart...... CRACK....] His heart sank when he saw what the Vogons do. Their efficiency shocked him. He realized that the Vogon Company was nothing but a big bureaucratic system that converted energetic and vibrant talent to mushy and dumb donkeys. But how?? How can they achieve so much with that great bureaucracy?? The question baffled him. The more he thought about it the more he was puzzled. All he knew was that, that he is a good fighter. “Winners never quit and Quitters never win”. He knew that too… So he decided to stay back... and fight... and try his luck… and realize his dream… in the very Vogon-Bureaucratic-Company that offered nothing.

Years passed. Our fighter stallion - Mr. Tec. - started mutating. The Vogon Philosophy had dented his determination. He started accepting some of the Vogon philosophies. He now looked like a mule. But even then… he remembered those good old days. The knowledge he had acquired in those good old days stayed with him even when his passion and priority took the beating.

One day his ThinkPad decided to go on strike. It won't boot. The LILO boot loader won’t load the Windows OS!! He had to complete lot of work - junk work to be precise - and this machine simple won’t come up! With frustration written all over his face, he took a deep breath and then a deep look at the ThinkPad. The neurons in his brain started to emit electricity. There it was… he diagnosed the problem! "It is a boot loader problem. The boot loader got corrupted. All I need to do is replace that." The mule had not forgotten the wisdom acquired by the stallion.

Since he didn’t have the utility that could overwrite and thus replace the corrupted boot loader, he dialed 4343 - the extension of the Vogon Company Helpdesk. They promptly gave him the answer: "The machine has to be reformatted and the OS has to be reinstalled. Before that, you will have to backup your data. It will take minimum twelve hours to complete this task - two hours to find a guy who would allow you to backup your data into his hard disk; two hours to backup the data; six hours to install the OS and update the patches; and two hours to restore the data."

The dying stallion-mind in the mule woke up: "What!!??? You just need to rewrite the boot sector. It will hardly take 5 minutes!!"
"Sir, we don’t have the permission to do such tweaks. This is the only way. The early you start the sooner you finish"
"But..."
The helpdesk guy cut in before Mr. Tec could complete "The early you start the sooner you finish. Understand?"
"Ok... Let me try to solve this problem on my own. I'll get back to you if I can't fix this." An upset Mr. Tec replied.

The mule took his ThinkPad to home; pulled out a Windows 98 Installation CD and booted the machine with it. He went to the command prompt and typed - fdisk /mbr. A pause; and then the command prompt was back. He rebooted his system and voila... his ThinkPad was back in action...! Working just as how it used to work! Mr. Tech was overjoyed. He patted his own back and lifted his collar. But then... sadness gripped him. What is he doing here? – In the Vogon Company – working with Vogons who waste their and others’ time. They don’t value time or talent. What has he done to himself? He wasted six years of his life working in the Vogon Company! Will he get it back? Depression seeped in. The mule's depressed gaze went to his table - a blade way lying there.

***************

Next day's Time of India carried this headline "Suicide of a Vogon Software Engineer"